"Greetings all, Lord Savage here, you know, Beloved of Slaanesh, Champion of Champions etc. etc... Anyway, I've taken over The Black Hole temporarily so that I can address this on-going situation with all these Orcs running around the place this month. It seems Erny over at Erny's Place has got a bee in his bonnet over Orc's rights: As if we didn't have enough going on with Oldhammer right now. He has started up some whatjamacallit called 'Dorktober' or something, anyway, you can see for yourself on this and subsequent blog posts and make your own mind up."
"Long story short, us Slaaneshi types are 'up for anything' as they say, so, ever willing to be dragged into other people's crazy schemes I have put Warlord Paul's Octopi quiz on hold briefly so I can contribute something suitably 'Orcish'. Here goes.
Bridge Over Troubled Water. Being a scenario for Warhammer Fantasy Battles (2nd Edition).
Captain Simon Stoischen, a diligent and under-appreciated soldier in Baron Gefahrlich's retinue. Captain Stoischen is a Human Minor Hero and has access to both heavy and light armour as well as a shield, hand weapon, spear or horse. He may be armed and equipped from this list as you wish.
The Honourable Garfunkel Gefahrlich, the Baron's son, an overconfident and reckless noble. Gefahrlich is a Human Minor Hero and has access to both heavy and light armour as well as a shield, hand weapon, spear, lance, horse or warhorse. He may be armed and equipped from this list as you wish. Gefahrlich Hates all enemies.
Paul Schuler, a studious fellow in the Baron's employ with some knowledge of Magick and Physicks. Schuler is a level one wizard and has a hand weapon. He may also have a horse if you wish.
Artisan Hargrump, a Dwarf and engineer in the Baron's employ who has lately suffered with depression because of having to suffer daily Human incompetence. Hargrump uses the basic Dwarf profile and is armed with a hand weapon and light armour. Roll a D6 before battle, on a 1 or a 6 Hargrump is Drunk.
Hef's Bows, five trayned bowmen of the Baron's retinue. Hef's Bows have longbows, hand weapons and light armour.
Hans' Crossbows, five crossbowmen levy plucked from amongst the Baron's serfs. Hans' Crossbows have crossbows (count as improvised weapons in combat). Hans often has to cuff ears to keep his men alert, the GM may make such use of the poor quality of these troops as they wish.
Franz' Swords, five trayned swordsmen of the Baron's retinue. Franz' swords are armed with handweapons (usually swords) shields and light armour.
Orcs & Goblins:
Rumbelguts the Horrible, an Orc war-chief of growing reknown working for the Great Shaman, Zurgbag (He Who Brings Battle). He is escorting Frinkelgob's lads on a dangerous but important mission. Rumbelguts is an Orc Minor Hero and he has heavy armour, a hand weapon or a double handed weapon and a shield.
Frinkelgob the Greasy, leader of Zurbag's (He Who Brings Battle) Goblin Troll-catchers. Frinkelgob is a Goblin Champion with a hand weapon or spear, a shield and light armour.
Durk the Troll, an unusually sly and cunning Troll that Zurbag (He Who Brings Battle) has been hoping to recruit for some time. Durk never takes Stupidity tests, but he does suffer from Animosity.
The Greediguts Tribe Boys, 10 Orcs drawn from Rumbelguts own tribe who act as his bodyguard. The boys are equipped with light armour, a hand weapon and a shield.
The Troll-catchers, 20 Goblins who work for Frinkelgob the Greasy. The Troll-catchers are equipped with a hand weapon or spear, a shield and light armour.
Snapjaw and Snagtooth, 2 Giant Wolves trained by Frinkelgob to herd Trolls.
The story so far:
Baron Gefahrlich rules Zweitenburg in the name of Prince Drittel of Altenburg. Both Zweitenburg and Altenburg are in the Border Princes and are little more than stone keeps with a few hovels and farms nearby but the Prince and his Barons take themselves very seriously indeed and have built roads to connect their scattered strongholds thus creating a small fiefdom for themselves.
Recently, without warning, all traffic has ceased on the road from Altenburg to Zweitenburg and Baron Gefahrlich has decided it must be because the crumbling old bridge across the River Grenze has finally collapsed. He has ordered one of his retainers, Captain Stoischen, to lead a group of men out to the bridge and effect repairs. Included in the party is the dour old Dwarven engineer Hargrump (who insists that being of Dwarven work the old Handel Bridge would never collapse under pitiful creeping Humans), Paul Schuler (a learned fellow) and the Baron's own son, Garfunkel (who needs a bit of work to keep him occupied and the serving wenches safe for a few days).
Unbeknownst to the Baron and his court, the real reason the road has closed is Durk, a Troll, who has taken up residence under the Handel Bridge. Durk is a bit unusual in Troll society because he seems to have a certain level of cunning intellect (he occasionally watches farms for a bit before he raids them and rarely attacks his own shadow) and the Great Shaman Zurgbag (He Who Brings Battle) has been trying to recruit him into his army ever since he had a vision of Durk tying his own bootlaces.
The Great Shaman Zurgbag (He Who Brings Battle) is a troublesome old Orc so-and-so who hides out in the forests and hills of the Border Princes preaching about his visions of slaughter, loot and dead humies (the usual Orc themes). If he can recruit enough Trolls (and better yet convince Durk to lead them) it may be he can finally lead his tribes out of hiding, sweep away Prince Drittel's principality, and usher in the good times.
The Field of Battle:
The map is based on a 4' x 4' table, it is up to the GM to represent the terrain and set deployment zones as best they can. The river is fordable (at half pace if you assume it's about 3" across).
Objectives and Victory Conditions.
Captain Stoischen and his force are coming from the direction of Zweitenburg using the road. Stoischen will realise pretty quickly that the bridge is intact and that there is a force of Goblinoids knocking around that will need to be dealt with before the road can reopen.
The humans must keep the Baron's son alive at all costs. The Baron will also be angry if Hargrump and/or Schuler are killed. In order to win the Human player must keep all three of these personalities alive and drive off the Orcs by killing Rumbelguts and Durk (all Orc & Goblin units will flee the table if this happens).
Orcs & Goblins:
Rumbelguts has been assigned to keep Frinkelgob safe while he carries out the delicate task of recruiting Trolls for Zurgbag (He Who Brings Battle). He has set up camp in the Unheimlich Forest and the Orcs will emerge from that direction on their way to Durk's bridge. Rumbelguts will spot the approaching Humans fairly quickly and assess them as a threat that needs to be confronted.
Rumbelguts is an up and coming war-chief in Zurgbag's (He Who Brings Battle) army and hopes to be chosen to lead them in battle when the time comes. He must stay alive at all costs but must also mark himself out amongst his rivals by personally slaying either Stoischen or Gefahrlich in combat. Once Durk is recruited (see the special rules below) and Rumbelguts has achieved his aim any Orc & Goblin unit may leave the table at any time.
Once there are no longer any Orc & Goblin units on the table the game ends.
The battle is over when the Orcs & Goblins leave the table, when one side declares victory, when the GM declares an end or when you run out of time.
Durk is not actually a part of the Orc & Goblin force at the beginning of the battle and does not deploy with them. Instead, he sets up under (or very close too) the Handel Bridge. He will not move from this position unless a model from the Human force comes within charge range of him. If this happens he will either charge, if possible, or manoeuvre to set up a charge for next turn (at the Orc player's discretion). If, however, the Orc player can get four or more Goblin or Wolf models into base contact with Durk then he is considered to be 'recruited' and becomes an active part of the Orc force (albeit one that suffers animosity).
"Do let me know how you get on."
"Toodlepip!" ~ Lord Savage.